it wasn't lemon gatorade
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
