just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
