No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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