Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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