I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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