So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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