"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
