i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
