Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
