Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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