What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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