I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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