I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
