apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
