The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
