She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
