I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
