Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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