You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
