just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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