Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
