I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
