I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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