my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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