yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
