so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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