and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
