you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
