I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
