I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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