I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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