Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
