My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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