You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
