they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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