Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
