i just wanna soil my oats bro
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
