what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
