you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
