Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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