Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
