4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we have officially lost it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
