My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
