did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
