I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
