I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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