I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
