so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
