also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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