Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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