i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
