the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
